Project Wolf
- Protecting Children
I have a group of ladies who are beginner to intermediate level snow skiers that I teach each week for eight weeks during the winter. When we were sitting on the chairlift, we saw some of the little kids below who were fearlessly zipping down the slopes. These kids must have been anywhere from four to six years of age.
Some of the ladies remarked how they wished they had started snow skiing at the same age of these little kids. They claimed that the kids seem to have no fear unlike them, struggling adults. When the kids fall on the snow, they just get up again and laugh it off.
This is in total contrast to adults who often have a deep fear of falling and injuring themselves. Indeed, some of my ladies tend to tense up and ski very slowly when the slopes are a bit steeper or icier. The common objective they all have when I asked them what they wanted to achieve this winter is to have more confidence on the ski slopes.
What these ladies might not be realizing is that they are already setting great examples for other adults. Instead of choosing not to pursue a sport or activity like snow skiing because they think they are already too old, they signed up to take ski lessons from professional certified instructors.
Despite their fears, they are always willing to try out the various drills I show them or venture out with the class on steeper terrain that they otherwise might not have skied down on their own. I give them a lot of credit for this and their efforts slowly pay off as they continually surprise themselves each week with their skill improvements.
Don’t Compare To OthersAlthough it would have been nice to start a sport like snow skiing at an early age, that opportunity has past for us adults so it’s not even worth dwelling on. My adult students should not compare themselves to the kids speeding past. They should be proud enough to participate in an activity that many other adults consider too extreme to start.
My ladies need not reach the level of the kids to have fun out there. They can enjoy the ski slopes on their own level and they are doing the right thing by learning how to do it safely with expert supervision and coaching.
Progress On Your Own TermsThis should be the same with any new skills whether they are sports or foreign languages or computers. All adults should realize that it is never too late to learn new things. For example, it is great to see more and more seniors are now taking efforts to learn how to use computers and the internet so that they can communicate with their loved ones online or share photos.
In fact, learning new things is a good thing because new skills help exercise our bodies and our minds. This has proven to be one of the best anti-aging strategies out there.
So if you have ever wanted to learn a certain sport or some other skill, do not hesitate to take the initiative to sign up for a course or seminar that will help get you started. Although you might not become an expert, you can still benefit greatly from all the enjoyment that you will get when participating with those new skills.
The ladies in my ski classes should feel no shame because they are slower than the ski kids. Instead, they should feel proud to add yet another skill and activity to their lives.
Feel free to share below a new skill that you learned later in life as well as those that you have still yet to learn.
Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author and Karate World Champion. See his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series to learn how to expand your comfort zone to conquer even your most daunting goals in life.
Having troubles waking up early in the morning? Always snoozing until the last minute? Often late to work? Well, then you should learn the secret of waking up early. It’s all about the motivation. It is always easier to make an effort when you are really motivated. So, if you want to become an early riser after years of being a night owl, all that you need is to find a good reason to get up early in the morning.
Think of the things you always wanted to do but never had time for. Imagine you can find the time needed every day. Just be smart and use your mornings for that. Do something for yourself. When you come home after a long and exhausting hours of work, you are most likely to skip the things you enjoy only because you are extremely tired. You are so tired that the only thing you want is spend your evening watching TV and there is no more energy for anything else. But what about you and your true desires? Don’t you want to be in a good shape anymore? Don’t you want to finally finish the book you have been writing since college? Don’t you want to spend more time outside playing with your one true friend, your dog, instead of walking him out really fast to do his business because you no longer have time for him?
Well leave this all in the past. Now you will have time for everything! Made a list of things you are going to do for the whole week ahead and stick to the plan. Yes, you are right, you need to write it down. Place it on the mirror in the bathroom and go through your plans when you brush your teeth in the evening before going to bed. Remind yourself of your plans for the next day and visualize them. What image do you have in your head when you do that? I am sure you can see yourself with a big smile on your face. That’s the way to go! Do it every evening and soon you will see that waking up early has never been that easy!
“New you” will have time for everything. Going to the gym before work, practicing yoga, or jogging outside can give you an energy boost for the rest of the day and significantly increase your productivity. Not only you will become fitter and healthier, but you will also notice that you are million times more active and willing to succeed. Besides, physical activity in the morning will help you falling asleep easily at night and your sleep is proven to be deeper. This way you will need less time to restore and you will feel better and full of energy when you wake up early next day. I know, it sounds crazy but you will actually need less sleep to be more active during the day when you start doing sports.
Does that sound like you? If not, I am sure you will still be able to find one true reason for waking up early that will stimulate you to put much effort into it. Everyone is different, so is the motivation that will work for you.
Amber Smith is a time management expert and runs the site How to Get Up Early. The site is about helping people to get up early and be more productive by sharing original tips and innovative products.
Photo credit: twolittlemoos
When the going gets tough, we tend to seek out those people—and things—that give us the strength to be our best self. We yearn for the feeling that we’ve turned our lives around and are headed for better days.
Looking for the upside takes our mind off the down times. A positive attitude allows us forget, even for a while, the hardships that face us in many areas of our life.
Those times of contentment and happiness are wonderful. We need to spend time with them so when times are harder, we can remember the strength they gave us. But to expect those times to last is not realistic.
Here is the ugly truth: We learn very little by being happy and content. We learn everything by being engaged with the realities of life, especially when it’s hard, confusing, and difficult.
What are the stories that motivate us? They’re the stories of people who were beaten down by circumstances and defied the odds by pulling themselves up by the bootstraps to achieve the impossible. That’s why we love old western movies and Rocky Balboa.
The best motivational speakers are those who have been in the trenches and dug down, inside themselves, to find an inner strength that they didn’t know existed. These transformations remind us that we can find our best self too—it just needs to be teased out.
The unpleasant bits of acid that reality drops into our life every now and then are exactly what we need in order for that best self to thrive. The new science of post-traumatic growth is proving that in the wake of adversity, most people not only recover, they rebound.
Former Army combat veteran J.R. Martinez embodies the built-in human capacity to flourish even in the most difficult circumstances. Wounded in Iraq and suffering from burns over more than 40 percent of his body, Martinez underwent more than 30 surgeries before beginning a new career as a motivational speaker and winning the 2011 fall season of ABC’s “Dancing With the Stars.”
As powerful as his story is, aren’t we’re all just a little relieved that the trauma didn’t happen to us? Whenever our peace is disturbed by adversity, isn’t our first reaction always something like, “Why does this have to happen to me?”
When I was going through the FBI Academy at the age of twenty-five, one of the physical fitness requirements was to dive off a 25 foot diving board while holding an M16 rifle, and then swim to the other side of the pool with the gun. I had two problems: I was afraid of heights, and I couldn’t swim.
As my training class and instructors waited for me to jump, I seriously doubted that in real life I’d ever need to jump into a pool of water with a M16 while chasing a suspect. This was something I had to do, however, to graduate from the Academy, so I plunged in and bounced back up to the surface—still holding the gun—and then floundered until I made the other side.
It wasn’t until a few years later that I realized the swimming pool test had nothing to do with superior law enforcement techniques. Instead, it taught me that those who keep their back straight when confronted with uncomfortable challenges or conflict will inspire others around them. Everyone knew I was afraid of the jump, but it was something that I needed to do. Once I took the plunge, the by-product was two-fold. First, I earned respect from my classmates; and second, I learned that when the chips were down, I could achieve more than I dreamed possible.
How can you gird yourself and prepare for adversity and future down times? There are many ways, but here are three simple and positive approaches:
1. Surround yourself with people who believe in you
2. Create a benchmark for choosing friends: Ask questions about which friends you choose to spend time with.
3. Revisit the past
Like you, I don’t go looking for adversity and hardship, but if I didn’t encounter them I wouldn’t be learning the lessons I’m learning about developing a strong mind to overcome future obstacles—because guess what . . . they are going to show up.
Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all!
How do you prepare for adversity? What tips can you share on how to surround yourself with friends you can trust? How have you learned from your past?
Let’s face it – You don’t have to be pregnant to know what it’s like to crave salty potato chips or sweet ice cream. The fact of the matter is that everyone has a craving now and then. But did you know your cravings might actually mean something?
Usually, when we crave a certain food, it’s because our body is telling us it needs a specific nutrient. You can go ahead and give into that craving to satisfy your body, but it’s important to know why you are craving a certain food and then choose the healthier alternative. Your system, and your waistline, will thank you for choosing the healthy way out.
Craving Salty Snacks
If you are craving potato chips or French fries, you need something salty. This is likely your body’s way of telling you that you are low on essential minerals. A low-calcium diet often leads to salt cravings. Salt tricks your body into believing that calcium levels are high enough.
Instead of the salt, reach for dairy. Drink a glass of milk or eat a slice of cheese. You’ll give your body the calcium you need instead of tricking it into thinking it’s satisfied.
Craving Sweet Treats
For some people, all you have to do is say the word “chocolate” and their mouth waters until a pound of chocolate has been consumed. When we crave sweets, it’s usually because of our mood. In many cases, we are sad when we crave sweets. Ever have a really tough day and the only thing that will console you is a big cupcake? That’s because when we are sad we want a quick mood lift. Our body wants to release serotonin, which you can get when you eat sweets.
If you really must have that chocolate, opt for dark chocolate. This variety contains antioxidants, which are needed to stay healthy. Or better yet, instead of eating the chocolate, go out for a walk or a bike ride. The exercise is much more likely to give you long-term mood benefits, whereas the treats will only make you feel better for a moment.
Craving a Spicy Kick
When your body is overheated, you crave the spicy foods that make you perspire. Your body wants to cool down and spicy food can help do that. Some studies suggest that people who crave spicy foods are addicted to the accelerated heart rate and rapid breathing that comes from really spicy Thai food or Mexican favorites. It’s the adrenaline rush you’re actually craving, not the food itself.
Again, go exercise to help you get the rush you need. Your body will perspire, which will help cool you down. Plus, you’re getting your heart rate up, which helps with the adrenaline craving.
When you apply these tips you can cut out a bunch of empty calories and increase your intake of healthy vitamins and minerals. You will feel healthier and look better, which everyone can agree is a good thing!
About the author: Allen is an avid basketball player and NBA fan. In his spare time he writes for YourLocalSecurity.com.
by David Michie
If meditation was available in capsule form, it would be the biggest selling drug of all time. It has been scientifically proven to deliver highly effective stress relief, boost our immune systems and dramatically slow the aging process. It has also been shown to make us much happier and more effective thinkers. In this partner recording to Hurry Up and Meditate, David Michie takes the novice meditator by the hand, and provides four guided Buddhist meditations to help you experience for yourself the benefits of these time-honoured and powerful techniques.
The Meaning of Life: Making Every Moment Matter
by Guy Finley
All who were there for these five days of groundbreaking dynamic talks were inspired, enriched, and deeply touched by the revelations Guy presented. In all, Guy presented seven powerful talks that built one upon the other to reveal the entire explanation of how we can discover and live the meaning of our lives. In addition, Guy gave two talks on meditation based on the theme, Start Letting Stillness Organize Your Life.
Every moment of these revealing talks was recorded, and the result is a seven-hour album that will open your heart and mind to new vistas of possibility and provide practical techniques you can use to make those possibilities your new reality.
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress Free Productivityby David Allen
In today’s world of exponentially increased communication and responsibility, yesterday’s methods for staying on top just don’t work. Veteran management consultant and trainer David Allen recognizes that “time management” is useless the minute your schedule is interrupted; “setting priorities” isn’t relevant when your e-mail is down; “procrastination solutions” won’t help if your goals aren’t clear.
Allen’s premise is simple: our ability to be productive is directly proportional to our ability to relax. Only when our minds are clear and our thoughts are organized can we achieve stress-free productivity and unleash our creative potential.
Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving Inby Roger Fisher, William Ury
Getting to Yes is a straightorward, universally applicable method for negotiating personal and professional disputes without getting taken – and without getting angry.
It offers a concise, step-by-step, proven strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict – whether it involves parents and children, neighbors, bosses and employees, customers or corporations, tenants or diplomats. Based on the work of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group that deals continually with all levels of negotiation and conflict resolution, from domestic to business to international, Getting to Yes tells you how to:
Do you feel enthusiastic and inspired in the mornings – only to find yourself exhausted in the afternoons? Perhaps you only ever seem to perk up when you’ve got a coffee in hand, or you manage to concentrate for 30 minutes but then find yourself procrastinating.
If your energy levels fluctuate a lot, you might need to focus on achieving more balance. These ten tips should help:
#1: Drink Plenty of WaterYes, you’ve heard this one a hundred times before. But are you actually managing it?
If you’re slightly dehydrated, you’ll struggle to concentrate. Try keeping a bottle of water on your desk so that you can easily sip while working. If you don’t like the taste of plain water, try buying sparkling or flavored varieties.
#2: Don’t Drink Too Much Caffeine
Coffee, tea and caffeinated sodas will give you a short-term energy boost, followed by a slump. If you’re relying on caffeine to stay alert and awake, you’re probably not sleeping enough.
But … don’t reduce your caffeine intake too suddenly, or you’re likely to get headaches. Try cutting down slowly – if you normally drink six cups of coffee a day, cut back to five.
#3: Eat at Regular Intervals
Your brain needs fuel: if you’re hungry, it’s hard for you to focus. It’s also difficult to concentrate after a heavy lunch – so rather than stuffing yourself, eat smaller amounts at regular intervals.
Many nutritionists recommend eating every three hours; that means having a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack to keep you going between meals.
#4: Don’t Eat Sugary SnacksEating regularly doesn’t mean filling up on cookies or donuts. Sugary snacks play havoc with your energy levels: they give you a quick boost followed by a crash.
If you’ve got a sweet tooth, try eating fresh fruit instead. On days when only chocolate will do, go for dark varieties (at least 70% cocoa) and eat just a small amount.
#5: Have a Power NapAlthough this one isn’t an option for many of us, a quick nap during the afternoon can really boost your energy. If you work from home (or have a very understanding boss!) then try taking a twenty minute nap to help you over the afternoon slump.
Make sure you don’t sleep too long, though; you’ll just wake up feeling groggy. You might want to set an alarm.
#6: Don’t Skimp on Sleep at NightEven if you take a power nap during the day, don’t cut back on sleep at night. Most of us need seven to eight hours of sleep to function well – but some people need more.
It’s tempting to sleep less in order to have more time to cram everything in, but if you’re well rested, you’ll have more energy to tackle everything, and you’ll get tasks finished faster.
#7: Take Regular BreaksNo-one can stay focused on a task for hours at a time. You need to take breaks from whatever you’re doing in order to keep your energy levels up.
It’s a good idea to get away from your desk: grab a glass of water or go for brisk walk (even if it’s just round the corridors). At lunch time, make sure you take a real break from work, rather than eating sandwiches at your desk.
#8: Don’t Procrastinate
Taking a planned break is different from procrastinating. If you’re surfing the net when you know you should be working, you’re simply letting resistance to a task build up.
Sometimes, procrastination can look like work: for instance, you might work on emails so you can put off that difficult phone call or tricky report. This will leave you feeling demotivated. Instead, tackle the harder things first – you’ll get a real energy boost.
#9: Exercise at Moderate IntensityExercise is good for you in so many ways. One of the benefits of being active is that you’re likely to have more energy: moving around gets your blood pumping. You may also find that you sleep more soundly.
When you exercise, aim to work at a moderate intensity. That means you should be able to hold a conversation, but you shouldn’t be able to sing the lyrics to a song.
#10: Don’t Exercise Too Hard
If you’re just getting started with exercise, don’t overdo it. There’s no point in spending two hours in the gym after work – only to end up so exhausted that you slump on the sofa with a bag of chips instead of cooking a healthy dinner.
For most of us, thirty to forty-five minutes of moderate exercise, five times a week, is about right. You don’t necessarily have to do this in one daily session, either; you could aim for a twenty minute brisk walk in your lunch hour and a twenty minute cycle ride in the evening.
How do you keep your energy levels up during the day? Share your tips and ideas in the comments…
Photo credit: Stephen Vincent
“The opportunity to find wonder in the midst of our everyday lives transforms the agony of the struggle into the adventure of becoming.” – Kim Thomas
Do you wish your life were more exciting? I’m guessing the answer is “yes.” It probably feels like you have so many mundane things to do. You have dishes to wash, reports to write, kids to pick up, laundry to do, social obligations to attend to… the list goes on.
“If only my life were more interesting!” you might be thinking.
A while back, I read about an incident involving a live grenade that continues to remind me that the mundane matters.
Second Lieutenant Kok Khew Fai was overseeing the safety of 50 army recruits during a live hand grenade throw in Singapore. Kok stood a short distance away from the recruits as, one by one, they took turns lobbing a live grenade toward the target.
As one of the recruits attempted to fling the grenade forward, it slipped out of his hand and landed 10 feet behind him. Dumbfounded by what had just happened, he stood motionless. Death was literally seconds away.
Without any hesitation, Kok sprinted over to the recruit, jumped on him, and forced him to lie prone behind a low wall at the back of the throwing bay. The grenade detonated moments later, and thankfully both of them escaped unharmed.
When I read this news report, I imagined what I would have done if I’d been in Kok’s position. Military service for male citizens is mandatory in Singapore and I, too, was once a second lieutenant, so I could have been faced with the same situation.
Your natural instinct would tell you to run, take cover and save yourself. But as an officer who has a responsibility to your men, you know what you ought to do. With so much on the line but with absolutely no time to think, would I have put the safety of my recruit above that of my own? I wish I could confidently say “yes,” but the more truthful answer is that I really don’t know.
I often wonder how people like Kok become so brave. Do they have some sort of natural gifting? Did their parents drill into them the importance of courage when they were growing up? Before the incident occurred, did they even know that they were so fearless?
I’ve concluded that it’s in the mundane tests of day-to-day living that we ready ourselves to face exceptional challenges. It’s in the ordinary that we prepare ourselves for the extraordinary.
It’s important to note that extraordinary people only do extraordinary things some of the time. Most of the time, they’re occupied with the routine, the monotonous, the boring. In other words, they’re just like us normal people. But it’s in the mundane that they develop the skills, attitude and character traits that enable them to excel when the opportunity arises.
Extraordinary people aren’t extraordinary because of good fortune. They’re extraordinary because they make extraordinarily good use of the ordinary circumstances in their lives.
They see every choice as one between character and compromise. They recognize that a decision is never trivial, because they’re really deciding between becoming a person of greater character and becoming a person who compromises on what’s of real significance.
Every one of us will experience a limited number of defining moments in our lives—moments that test us and reveal who we are, moments that determine our legacy.
We’ll never know exactly when we’ll be tested, so we always need to be alert. Character and integrity never take a day off. After all, a great life isn’t built in a day; it’s built day by day.
We often look at the Michael Jordan’s, Mark Zuckerberg’s and Oprah Winfrey’s of this world and tell ourselves that we’re not as talented or lucky as them, so we’ll never attain similar success. We tend to forget about the immense, and unglamorous, effort they exerted early on in their lives, which allowed them to eventually make it big.
They mastered the ordinary before they had any hope of becoming extraordinary.
When we begin to grasp just how much power and potential lie hidden within the ordinary—the things we typically don’t want to do, or even the things we hate to do—we’ll see it as a chance to become a bigger and better person.
We’ll learn to embrace life—not just the thrilling experiences, but the dull and even painful ones, too.
So let’s not despise the mundane. Instead, let’s make the most of it. Let’s create a mundane masterpiece.
About Daniel Wong: Daniel Wong is passionate about helping people to maximize their education, career and life. He spent two years in the military and currently holds the rank of First Lieutenant. He currently works as a project engineer, and is the author of The Happy Student: 5 Steps to Academic Fulfillment and Success. You can read his blog at Living Large and find him on Twitter.
Who the hell are you? Are you for real? That’s the message I got when I had forgotten my twitter password for the umpteenth time. And it got me thinking (something I have been known to do on occasions). Do we really know who we are?
Next time you pass by a mirror, just stay there for a while and look at the person staring back at you. Is that you or an image of you? This is how you present yourself to the world and yet does your inner self match your outer self?
Once upon a long time ago, there was a man who liked to fool around and play jokes on everyone. He used to put on an extraordinary mask that spanned an array of emotions from laughing and crying to grimacing. He took great pleasure in playing the fool and frightening everyone. Some people laughed at his antics, some people cried. All he cared about was the adrenalin rush and excitement that their reactions gave him.
He used to pop his mask on a few times a week, but as his need for excitement grew, he would wear the mask every day until he was wearing it all the time, even sleeping in it. He wandered around for years behind the mask until one day, he felt strange. He felt cut off from himself, isolated and realized that something was missing.
The next day he bumped into a lovely lady and it was love at first sight. But when he reached out to her, she screamed and ran away, frightened by his weird and shocking mask.
‘Stop’ he cried,’ this isn’t me!’ And he desperately tried to wrench the mask from his face. But he could not remove it because it was him. The mask was stuck to his face, it had become his face.
He tried to tell others the dreadful thing that had happened to him but no one was interested in listening because they had all done the exact same thing as him. They were all wearing masks, all playing at being people they were not.
Who are you? Are you wearing a mask?
There are times in our lives when we might put on a mask to stop our true selves from being seen. We do this out of a fear that if people really knew us they would not like us. We have a real fear of being exposed for the charlatan we think we are. But it is a great emotional burden pretending to be someone we are not. It is a very tiring and draining experience. How long has it been since you looked inside to experience your real self?
When I did my training to be a psychotherapist I had to have my own therapy and I remember this question. Who are you? I answered that I was a mother. Rap on the knuckles, Carole, that is not who you are that is what you do. Very often we cannot answer the question who the hell are you? Because we do not know.
Our real selves has been squashed and taken over by our false selves. It is up to us to redress the balance.
Do you spend much of your time putting other’s needs before your own?
Are you very conscious of your appearance? Do you hate your job? Do you ever do anything that you really want to do?
You may have put on a mask to protect yourself at some stage in your life but is it really necessary anymore? The mask has done its’ job and now it is only a barrier to your future happiness.
10 ways to step out from behind the mask
About the Author:
Carole Lyden is a psychotherapist and writer living in Perth, Western Australia. PsycheBuzz is a website that will help you: Feel more positive about yourself. Add depth and meaning to your life. Enrich and empower your life. Attempt to ease your mental distress. Please join me there.
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In Making a Living Without a Job, Barbara J. Winter described the idea of Multiple Profit Centers: “I think of creating profit centers,” she wrote, “as being akin to what a juggler does when spinning plates on top of sticks. The juggler walks out on the stage with ten sticks and ten plates but doesn’t begin spinning them all at once. Methodically, he or she positions the first plate on a stick and gets it into motion. Once done, the juggler moves on to the next, then the next, and so forth. Eventually, all ten of the plates are spinning away, each with its own momentum”
Creating multiple streams of income is key to sustain and secure your message. When one of the streams faces a hard time, others lift you up.
When it comes to creating multiple streams of income (or multiple profit centers as Barbara likes to call), people are divided into two groups:
1. Dominant Passion:
Those are people who have one dominant passion and would like to spend the rest of their lives pursuing that single passion.
Around this dominant passion may revolve several streams of income.
I belong to this category. I’m extremely passionate about the field of success and motivation. Now, I’ve three major streams of income: speaking, life purpose coaching and motivational information products … and I’m always looking out for more.
2. Passion Mix:
When you have several passions, which I call the passion mix, you can turn each one of them into a stand alone stream of income.
Think of Sir Richard Branson!
Beside success & motivation, I have a strong passion for Chess. I’ve not considered creating a profit center around it yet. However, if I do, I will belong to this category of people pursuing different unrelated passions.
The secret to making the idea of “multiple streams of income” successful is to follow the juggler example.
Start with one plate, get it into motion and then move on to another plate.
Don’t start everything all at once.
You’ve to focus all your efforts on starting and building momentum for your first business idea. Then, when it acquires the momentum that makes it stable enough, you move on to build your next business idea or stream of income.
Now, what possible streams of income can you create around your passions? Let’s continue the discussion in the comments section below.
Mohamed Tohami is a bestselling author and the creator of “The P.A.S. Technique: The World’s Easiest Way To Find Your Passion and Purpose In Life”. If you want to set your heart & soul free from the prison of the paycheck and discover how to proudly follow your passion, give a visit to his Transformational Motivation blog now.
Everyone has up’s and down’s in their love lives, most commonly there are “those relationships” you’d rather forget, but should you forget them entirely? Why not use negative experiences from your love life to prevent you from making similar mistakes in your career? At least you’ll have something to show from those lousy relationships!
Although using a one-night-stand in your work environment isn’t recommended, there are some popular relationship problems which can be likened common career complaints. You can learn from these mistakes to resolve pressing issues in your career.
The Stale MarriageMuch like a weathered marriage, you’ve hit that point in your career where you generally feel BORED. You may feel that there’s no opportunity for progression within the company you work for and getting out of bed to go to work has become more challenging than the role itself. You feel you can’t just quit because you have financial outgoings and a family you need to support but the job is making you miserable.
In this situation you have 3 options: to stick it out and remain miserable and unfulfilled but financially sound; try relationship counselling to mend the damage or file for a divorce.
If you’re constantly miserable you’re not helping anyone; yourself or your family. It can also have effects on your health such as depression and fatigue. Taking no action means things will only get worse.
Trying “relationship counselling” with your boss is a viable option. Speak to your boss and say how you feel your skills would be better utilised in a higher role with more responsibilities. If you work for an organisation which values its employees then they should be open to negotiation (providing you’ve proved your worth), if not then maybe you should consider whether a job elsewhere would be more fulfilling and gain you more respect.
If the counselling really hasn’t worked then it’s time to file for a divorce. Your health and happiness is more important than the money your job brings – you have to take a few risks in life to be successful. To avoid putting a financial strain on your family, continue your employment in your current role until you’ve been accepted for another position elsewhere.
The Comparative CoupleThis situation is similar to when you compare your relationship to other friends’ or family member’s relationships, common thoughts are “why’s my relationship not as passionate as theirs?”, “why don’t we do things as a couple like them?” This can also happen in your career if one of your friends or family members gets a new job, jealousy can rear its ugly head and occupy your mind.
This can be a dangerous situation to be in as you may begin to question your career or feel dubious about your job. The first thing to consider is why you are feeling jealous of other people’s jobs. Perhaps there’s more of an underlying issue; are you feeling undervalued at work? Do you need more feedback on your development from superiors?
The key here is to address you own issues and forget about your friend’s passion for their new job. Focus on what drove you to apply for your current job in the first place. Perhaps you’re feeling complacent in your role and need a new challenge, talk to your boss about the possibility of taking on new responsibilities that will challenge you. You’ll soon forget about your friend’s career as you buzz off your new accomplishments.
The Honeymoon PeriodWhen you first start a new job you’re filled with excitement; meeting new people, learning new skills and taking on new challenges can all be exhilarating. Much like newlyweds however, this honeymoon period has to come to an end as normality sets in. For some people this isn’t a problem, for others it can cause them to come down with a crash and feel bored, stressed and even miserable.
As routine begins to set in you have to accept that certain aspects of the daily grind will begin to irritate you – the same commute will bore the life out of you and your colleagues will irritate you beyond belief but that will probably happen with every job and usually wanes with time! If you really feel like you’re not fitting in after a considerable amount of time then maybe you could ask for a transfer or look for a new job elsewhere.
When it comes to relationships there’s plenty to be learned from bad experiences. Rather than dwelling on them and feeling filled with regret, you may as well use them to build on in the future. Prevent the same mistakes from happening in your career as well as your love life!
This was a guest post written by Stephanie Staszko who writes career building tips and advice for Blue Octopus. They can help you to find a job if your current one’s driving you stir crazy.
Whether you have just started in the world of work or a seasoned professional, establishing a successful work-life balance can prove difficult challenge. Having a good work life balance is a huge factor in your general happiness and well being. We all feel pressured to work and worry about work and we are all pressured to be out with friends or family every night. Pressure comes from all around you and before you know it you are stressed at work and not going out.
The outcome is that you will be unhappy and this will affect not just you but your friends and family. Achieving balance will mean you will be happy with your life as a whole and enjoy work and appreciate the time you have when it comes. So with that in mind, here are the three ways that can help you find your work life balance and feel better as a result.
1)Know your boundaries
An important life skill, knowing your boundaries is a instinct that you learn as you age and that you learn to trust. Knowing your limits is a highly respectable trait, one which many wish they listen to. Your body will tell you when something is wrong and listening to these signals is a sure way to helping a work life balance. When I first started work I was always meeting up with my friends after work to chat and have a couple of drinks, it normally resulted in me coming home late and although i always had a great time, I also remember being absolutely shattered everyday for work. Simply put, there was no balance. When your body says you are tired or ill or out of sync, know when to go home and relax. Only going out a few nights a week, will mean that you get a regular routine of sleep, which will help you feel refreshed at work. Also not partying ever night will save you money, this will mean you can buy that item that you always wanted or go to that place you have dreamed of. It is important to plan in advance, not weeks in advance, not even days, but just make sure you set out when you meet up, what you are going to do and when you will be heading home. This leads us onto the next point.
2) Always make time for yourself
We all love those days where we stay in bed and do nothing. Physically and psychologically having time to yourself, where you can reflect, unwind and relax, can be hugely beneficial. Sometimes a busy week can take its toll on the body and mind. A day to relax in front of the TV can do a world of good and allow you to charge your batteries for whatever the future may bring. Knowing that you are the priority means that you will take time to appreciate what you like doing and as a result you will be more independent and less susceptible to peer pressure. This is a huge step to having a work life balance as you will be able to say no and as a result gain more self respect. It would not be wise just to stick to things that you like and never go out, having new experiences is a great part of life, making time for yourself is simply a step to help you manage your time better.
3) Learn to switch off
Once you step out of the office, work has finished, relax and forget about any work issues or deadlines, taking your problems home with you or to work is always going to end badly. It is your time and you should do what you want with it. This does not mean that everyone ends up with two contrasting lives. Simply that taking a fresh look at life and putting things into perspective can mean huge things for your general well being. You could start to worry less and be more enthusiastic about life. Knowing that there is more to life than just work will liberate many people and help them achieve true happiness. I never lose sleep over work now, I turn up to work fresh and enthusiastic and I still go out a couple of times a week with friends and family. As a result, I feel I have achieved my perfect work life balance and I am happier for it.
Everyone should take a step back and ask themselves do I have a good work life balance? Is work affecting you motivation to socialise or is partying all night affecting your work. Either way a balance has to eventually occur and everyone will have a different level, but most importantly it is what works for you and at the end of the day, what makes you happy.
Bio: Written by Tom Tolladay, an event’s organiser for www.chillisauce.co.uk. Tom has also written for sports website caughtoffside and is a contributor for the International Institute of Event Management. You can contact Tom on his blog www.eventsuppliers.co.uk
Whatever your plans are for the coming year, your friends can help.
You might be reluctant to let them. Perhaps you feel that accepting help will lessen your own achievement – or you’re worried that your friends might laugh at your goals and ambitions. You might think that asking for help is futile: the people you know might not possess the skills or knowledge that would be valuable to you.
The truth is, no-one achieves much if they work entirely alone. And by allowing others to help, you not only increase your chances of success, you also reinforce your relationship with them.
Even if your friends can’t offer advice about your new venture, they can still support you. Here are three key ways in which friends (and family, and co-workers) can help you reach your goals.
#1: EncouragementFriends don’t need to share your goals in order to be encouraging. Your best friend might not know much about nutrition and exercise, but he can cheer you on when you’re trying to lose weight. Your sister may have no interest in writing a novel herself, but she can ask you how yours is going.
Some friends are naturally encouraging; make sure you let them know about your plans and your progress. They’ll probably be delighted for you, and keen to find out how you’re getting on.
If you’ve got a strong friendship group online, perhaps on Twitter or Facebook, that’s a great place to turn for encouragement and for accountability. You might want to post your weekly weight loss or your weekly word count or some other meaningful metric related to your goal.
#2: Practical SupportAlthough encouragement can be a huge boost to your motivation, it often isn’t enough to get you to your goal. Practical support is invaluable, and may well make the difference between success and failure.
This type of support might help free up time: your friend could babysits your kids on a Thursday night so you can go to Weight Watchers, or your spouse takes care of the chores so you can study. It could also involve resources: a co-worker lends you a useful book, or your friend gives you some exercise equipment that they no longer want.
#3: Advice
This final type of help is directly related to your goal. Good advice can save you lots of time, money and energy. If you’re lucky enough to have a friend or family member who’s pursued a similar goal, or who has expertise in this area, don’t be afraid to ask them for advice.
If you’re starting up your own business, for instance, and you have a cousin who did something similar five years ago, ask them what they wish they’d known then. People will usually be very happy to talk about their experiences and to share their knowledge.
Your Wider NetworkUnless your friendship circles revolve around a shared set of goals or hobbies, you’ll probably find that you have some plans that no-one seems to be able to help with. Perhaps you’re keen to go to grad school, but none of your friends and family can offer any practical support or advice, or you want to learn the guitar but don’t know where to begin.
Start to look beyond your own circle, towards friends of friends. Although you might not know anyone who can help, your friend might have a relative or a contact who can lend a hand. Tell everyone what sort of information or support you’re looking for, and ask if they know anyone who can help.
You might feel nervous about approaching friends of friends. A great way is through a short, friendly email. Be specific about how they can help. You might write something like:
“John Smith suggested that I get in touch with you. I’m starting up my own small business as a graphic designer and I’m struggling to set my rates. Would you recommend charging by the project or by the hour? Do you have any tips for giving accurate quotations? Thanks so much.”
One of the best ways to achieve your goals faster is to let others help you. Who could you turn to today for encouragement, practical support or advice?
Distressful situations are a fact of life- a human predicament that seems hell-bent on blocking our attempts towards personal nirvana and impairing our ability to function. Though it may be unpleasant to have to stop and collect yourself in response to a personal difficulty, there may be times when you may not even have that “luxury.”
If you find yourself in an usually stressful or painful situation, yet still need to maintain some level of performance in either your personal or professional life, then keep the following four tips in mind:
1. Give yourself some slack! The very first step towards staying productive when difficulty strikes is accepting the fact that you will likely not be at your peak performance. To the best of your ability, you need to lower the bar. Otherwise, the stress of having to continue producing and performing, can just add to and prolong your hardship, not to mention sap away the strength and energy you need to cope with the situation.
2. Limit the quick pick-me-ups. When stress is high, people tend to reach for quick and easy pick-me-up’s, such as alcohol, junk food, and even antidepressant medication. This happens even though most people are aware of the negative consequences of binging on alcohol and junk foods, and the negative side effects of taking antidepressant medication over the long-term have been well-documented. While these kinds of crutches can be helpful since they provide a temporary “breather” from all the gloom and doom, they need to be used with moderation. If not, then the “side-effects” will far out-weigh any short-term benefits, disrupting your natural ability to cope and stay productive.
3. Your support system is key. The biggest and most effective tool you can have to help you deal with adversity is the network of people you choose to surround yourself with. This network can include close friends, family, mentors, a life coach, and where necessary a qualified professional, such as a psychologist. Not only can these people offer physical assistance and clarity, but they can be a source of inspiration, emotional support, and a place from which you can draw the strength to keeping going.
4. Maintain your physical balance. If you want to give yourself the best chances of staying productive then make an effort to eat and sleep properly and get some exercise. Though this may seem self-evident, often a person’s physical needs are the first to be sacrificed when difficulty strikes and this only adds to the problem. Not only should you try your best to maintain your normal, daily routine, but you should make an effort to avoid exorbitant amounts of junk food, caffeine, alcohol and refined sugars that are low in nutritional value and high in calories.
In short, though a distressful situation may slow you down, with a little care and some common sense, it doesn’t have to completely stop you in your tracks.
Gary Barzel is the manager of business development for Fastupfront. Fastupfront offers business loan alternatives for existing businesses in need of working capital.
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Sometimes boredom sneaks up on us; other times it signals its intention from way off in the distance. Either way, boredom is something that leaves us uninterested and unengaged with the things we’re doing. Life Is An Adventure When I was a kid, I’d say, “I’m bored. I haven’t got anything to do.” What I was really saying was this: “I don’t have anything fun to do.” As kids, we still dream. We pick activities that spark our imagination and curiosity. We learn at an early age that the remedy to boredom is adventure and exploring the unknown. As leaders, however, we spend very little energy on adventure and a great deal of time avoiding the unknown. Sadly, many of us no longer have the passion that comes with dreams, either. John Lennon said, “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. The indulgence of following our dreams can be difficult, if not impossible, when there are house payments, children, pets, family, and a career. However, without a certain amount of passion in our lives, we become bored. Leaders who are bored have lost the meaning of what they are doing in life. Let me share a few secrets As an FBI counterintelligence agent who exposed spies and recruited them to work for the U.S. Government, my first step in any investigation was to identify the target. This was more than just finding out name, rank, and serial number. Identifying the target meant digging beneath the surface to uncover the answer to my most important question: what were their dreams and goals? Once I had unlocked this secret, I knew how to move forward with the rest. Leaders who are not pursuing their dreams and goals have no purpose in life and end up feeling bored and unfulfilled. When we’re bored, we don’t take as much interest in our life—this makes us unfocused and vulnerable to the suggestions of others. It becomes a downward spiral because, instead of having a mission or life purpose of our own, we became more dependent upon the suggestions of others. As a counterintelligence agent, I studied how to exploit this vulnerability. Don’t become bored with your own life. Here are three suggestions to give you life direction: 1. Find your passion. Be curious about yourself! You are the most interesting person you know so dig down and find out all there is to discover. It will be the best adventure of your life. When the FBI sets out to identify a target, one of our first courses of action is to set up surveillance. Observing movements can tell investigators a lot about the personality of the target. In the same way, you can conduct surveillance on yourself. Write in a journal what you’ve observed. A personal surveillance will help you find the answers to the following questions: What do you truly love? What were your favorite hobbies and past-times as a child?? What do you want to accomplish in life? What are the obstacles stopping you? What are your dreams? What brings you pleasure? What are the achievements, people, and events that move you? What activities excite you so much that you don’t notice the time pass away? Ask people who know you best to describe your greatest strengths and weaknesses. How do others perceive you? What do people love about you? 2. Write Your Mission Statement Your life is worth setting noble goals for. Start with writing a personal mission statement. Keep your mission statement clear and concise. Ask yourself: What is my calling? What is my aim? What inspires me the most? What activity or service touches my core values and urges me on? 3. Establish Your Goals What is your dream? If you don’t have a dream, how can it come true? A goal is a dream set to paper. Don’t just think it—ink it! Here are some recommendations on how to set your goals: Balance life – setting goals in only one area of life like rowing with one oar—you go round and round in one direction. If you concentrate all of your creativity and energy in one area of your life, you’re destined to be one-dimensional! Consider setting goals in these areas of life: Spiritual Family Relationships Career Health Financial Educational Adventure Travel Be specific – when you walk into a restaurant, you don’t just say, “Bring me food!” Instead, you’re very specific. Use the same strategy with your goals. Think Big – most people don’t aim too high and miss; instead, they aim too low and hit. If a person is not following their dreams and passions, life becomes mundane and colorless. It no longer has meaning or purpose. We get bored when we’re not living up to our full potential. Life is too short to accept anything less than a passion-filled, exciting life. Do not be an old person who thinks about all the things they wish they had done, said, or experienced. There is something inside of you that’s screaming to get out. Deep inside, you know what you want to do. You just need to find a way to let the answers out. The remedy for boredom—follow your dreams; they know the way . . . What area of your life do you feel boredom? How does what you’re doing now fulfill your dreams? What is your remedy for boredom? I hope to hear from you soon! About LaRae Quy: I was an FBI agent, both a counterintelligence and undercover agent, for 25years. I exposed foreign spies and recruited them to work for the U.S.Government. After retiring from the FBI, I pursued graduate studies at SanFrancisco Theological Seminary. Now I empower others to seek out a deepermeaning for their lives and the way to achieve that goal via my blog Your Best Adventure.
“Today, more than ever before, life must be characterized by a sense of Universal responsibility, not only nation to nation and human to human, but also human to other forms of life.” – The Dalai Lama
Responsibility is one of the most important skills your child can learn. It influences all pursuits in life, affecting your child’s ability to make friends, to excel in school and to excel in her career.
Most parents understand the importance of being productive and responsible, but are unsure of how to begin teaching this skill to their children.
Children often learn best when they are having fun. Games teach children that life skills don’t have to be boring and encourage children to think about problems in unique ways.
Here are 5 ways to make learning responsibility fun:
Timed CompetitionsChildren love to compete with their siblings and friends, and even the most boring tasks can be turned into a game when you add a competitive edge. Try giving your child a set amount of time in which to complete a task. Announce, “Whoever can get their room clean first wins!” Or try saying, “Whoever can put away the most dishes in 10 minutes gets to go to bed late!” Tasks that your children were previously loathe to complete will suddenly become fun family activities.
Problem Solving GamesChildren are creative thinkers who, when given the chance, can come up with unique solutions to problems. They especially love when they can display their knowledge to adults and think of things grown-ups couldn’t. Try presenting a family problem to your children. For example, if you’re having trouble getting children to participate in your dog’s care, try saying, “Muffy needs to be house-trained. Whoever can come up with the best strategy for potty training the dog can go to bed late for a week!” Your child will suddenly become invested in a task both you and he previously had little interest in.
Reward SystemsChild psychologists have found that rewarding good behavior is much more effective than punishing bad behavior. If there’s a particular behavior you’d like for your child to improve, a gold star chart can be the ticket to responsibility. Simply place a chart on the refrigerator and give your child a sticker every time she does the right thing. When the chart is full, she gets a special reward such as a toy, later bedtime, or family outing.
Teaching ParentsChildren want, more than almost anything else, to have the same privileges as adults. They love being treated as mature grown-ups and will do just about anything to have their opinions respected. You can use this to your advantage by encouraging your child to teach you something about responsibility. Pose a specific problem to her and ask her to research the solution. Give her lots of crafts supplies and encourage her to put together a presentation to teach the whole family. For example, if your dog needs better dental care, ask your child to figure out how to keep the dog’s teeth clean. You may be amazed at the solutions she comes up with, and she’ll relish the opportunity to play expert.
Taking Someone Else’s PerspectiveEmpathy is the ability to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and predict how he might feel. It encourages responsibility toward others and a healthy respect for rules. This skill must be nurtured in children for them to develop it. Play games with your child that encourage her to adopt alternative perspectives. For example, while driving in the car, ask your child, “What do you think the woman behind us is thinking right now?” When children get into a fight, ask them, “Why do you think your brother is mad at you?” If you are angry at your child, ask her, “What would you do right now if you were the mom?” This not only gives your child the opportunity to think about other people. It also helps you to understand why your child does the things she does.
About the Author
Jane Warren is a freelance writer providing valuable tips and advice for consumers and families. Her numerous articles offer money saving tips and valuable insight on all types of family and pet-related topics.
Photo Credit: Doug Robertson
Every single year most people get stuck in the same cycle regarding fitness. As the days grow shorter and colder we exercise less. When you add in holiday laziness and indulgence, along with an over abundance of delicious food, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out why so many of us start adding extra pounds. So should you wait until spring to start losing weight or just look for ways to not add it during the winter?
An ounce of prevention
As Ben Franklin said, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” While I doubt he was talking about keeping a trim waistline, the saying is very accurate. It is extremely easy to gain excess weight and fat. Simply add a few extra helpings of dessert each week and watch those pounds add up. But conversely you have to burn 3500 calories of energy to lose a pound of fat. That equals 3 1/2 hours of hard cycling, over 4 hours of step aerobics, or 5 hours of jogging.
Where to start?
Psych yourself up for staying in shape! One of the more overlooked aspects of weight gain and weight loss is the proper mindset. If you aren’t focused on a particular goal then you won’t reach that goal. For staying in shape the easiest way to forge that focus is by placing attention firmly on your abdominals. Far too many people think the all-mighty scale is the best tool. They will agonize over every little pound. But honestly, a scale gives a raw number which does not consider how you actually look. Overwhelmingly when people consider being ‘in-shape’ they think of a trim midsection.
Mind over body
People can accomplish any number of goals in life if they have the proper mind set. A focused attention can easily overcome obstacles. By looking at your midsection as a point of focal point and using that as your motivation, you can avoid the roller coaster weight gain most people go through over the winter months. Then when spring arrives you will be ready to hit the ground running for fun instead of spending all of those hours working off excess weight.
Nick Walden is a fellow fitness enthusiast who enjoys a healthy and active lifestyle while developing mind and intelligence.
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According to recent surveys millions of Americans report being in a bad mood this winter. According to researchers this shift in mood is a result of much more than the woes that come with Holiday depression. In current years, I have been among those millions. Maybe you are, too.
Psychologists call this phenomenon being “seasonally-affected.” Many in the scientific community consider it a temporary physiological change in body rhythms and internal chemistry due to more than just mood fluctuations during the Holidays, but giving credit to the lack of sunshine and light during these cold, dark months. After all, light is a source of natural energy for our minds and our bodies. So it goes without saying that the less light we have in our environment, the less likely we are to naturally feel exuberant like we may during the brighter months of the year.
Nonetheless, despite what we call it or what the reason behind it is, people from all walks of life are experiencing the “winter blues” at an ever-increasing rate. The good news is they are finding ways to cope with it. The bad news is their coping methods aren’t always effective or positive. We may even be contributing to other unhealthy symptoms and ailments, which may negate emotional well-being in the long-run.
For example, the most widely reported coping methods for beating the winter blues are:
I’m not on anyone’s personal ethics committee (at least not to my knowledge) but we can’t help but notice the potential harm in some of these coping strategies. Obviously, some of them are positive, such as finding ways to unwind and find stress alleviation naturally, through Yoga, breathing exercises, meditation. Even using quality, wholesome nutritional supplements seems positive and highly beneficial.
But, it’s also obvious that some methods – such as drugs, alcohol, and even indulging in comfort foods – are not only negative ways to cope with winter blues and stress, but they always do more harm than good in the long run.
Alas, there is hope. Following are five extremely positive and healthy ways to cope with the blues this winter which others and myself have found incredibly effective and useful:
Second, comfort foods give us the delightful sense of immediate gratification. Basically, we condition our mind and body to accept a manner of eating which causes us to feel good while we are eating and maybe a short time afterward. But we neglect the healthier, mood-enhancing approach which would be to eat in a way that makes us feel good all the time. You see, food affects mood, because mood is the result of different chemical processes in the body and brain. Food has a direct effect on these chemical processes. By choosing foods that contribute to a better mood, we’re not only making healthier decisions for weight management and nourishment, but we’re gaining control of our feelings, too.
For example, foods high in whole proteins, such as lean meat, eggs, fish, beans, and legumes are known for improving mood and helping us feel better by providing our brain with the amino acids (building blocks) it needs to produce the chemicals and hormones in our bodies which may improve mood naturally and stave off food cravings. (Note: Using dietary or herbal supplements may be a good idea as well. Just talk to your physician about it beforehand or seek the advice of a Registered Dietician)
For 2012, let’s make this the year where we finally say goodbye to our winter blues for good. I’m confident that we CAN and WILL defeat negative feelings and emotions, find balance and true happiness all year round, with the right coping strategies in place.
About the Author: Ronnie Brown is a writer and educator of personal growth and development, with a focus on teaching and coaching others in his systems for Dynamic Health and Emotional Mastery. Visit him at http://ronniebrownlifesystems.com/.
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I was having a chat with my fiancé one night recently, and burst into tears. I was bitter, sad, and angry. Why doesn’t anyone help me in return, I asked. Why is it when I am good to people and it feels like the kindness and generosity isn’t reciprocated? My fiance, with one eyebrow lifted, looked at me tenderly and said, “Perhaps because you aren’t really giving?”
I’ve always thought of myself as a kind person. When I moved from city to city with my expatriate job, I hosted many friends from Hong Kong, where I grew up, to visit. After all, who doesn’t want a free place to stay in when in Paris, Tokyo, London… ? So I would be more than happy to put them up while they traveled.
However, when these people come and board in my guest room, do I realize that they have other friends in the same city. And so, in the five days they stay with me, I see them perhaps only one night for dinner – and they don’t even attempt pay for dinner to thank me for letting them stay at my home.
The other four nights they were out with their other friends. Why did they not invite me to join them? Why did they not offer to introduce us sooner when I first arrived in the new city, a stranger to the land, so that I could make some new friends? I tried asking them, they just shrug and smile.
I did not understand why it wasn’t reflex for them, for every time I hear that someone is going somewhere I offer to connect them with people I know in that city in case they need some support. I got upset that no one seems to care about my plight.
Then I got angry. I am generous with my contacts. Even over a coffee chat and I learn about your latest venture, immediately I will skim through my address book in my head, and offer to introduce you to people whom I think could help you with your endeavors.
Yet hardly has that happened to me in reverse. Sometimes I even have to ask others whether they could introduce someone to me.
So I am bitter that the favors aren’t returned. That despite all my giving, helping, supporting every friend and acquaintance I can, it seems that no one gives back to me in return.
Almost timely. After that little episode with my fiance, I was simply bouncing from website to website, and searching for ebooks on the Internet to read. I came across Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth.” Rummaging through the free pages, I came to this line: “Whatever you think the world is withholding from you,” writes Tolle, “you are withholding from the world.”
Suddenly, the ripples cleared up and I saw a pristine reflection of the reality.
Every time I had given before, was actually not genuine giving. At the back of my mind, I was keeping an invisible tally of favors and acts of kindness I had bestowed on others, making a mental note that some day, I’d cash it back.
I didn’t give, I invested.
As with investments, I expected something in return. And with every investment there’s a risk of gain or loss. Therefore, when I didn’t receive something back, let alone something in addition, I counted it as loss. That was why I became resentful and sour.
My intentions were therefore, not pure. I was subconsciously calculating, expecting, scheming. I put myself on a high horse, as if I was doing them a good deed, and that made me a better person.
As Tolle wrote so powerfully, I lamented others for withholding from me. Yet, it was I in the first place who reserved from others, not giving fully and wholeheartedly with the best of intentions.
In the end, who became the most upset? I did.
I’m slowly changing that mindset. There is no miraculous way or 10 steps to follow.
Simply, just decide to give without expecting anything in return.
I now invite people to dinner because I enjoy their company and want to get to know them better, not because down the line I want to be invited back. When I find out that my friends decide to spend only 5 hours with me on my wedding weekend, but flit around town to see several other groups of friends – whom they’ve never introduced – those few days, I am grateful they will fly all the way for my wedding. Let it be. I’ve done what I can.
But this is just one part of it. Tolle finished the paragraph with, “You are withholding it because deep down you think you are small and that you have nothing to give.”
Indeed, it was also my insecurity with myself that I wasn’t able to let it all go, and just share my knowledge and resources. I had to make it sound like I was trying really hard to find a contact, or that they might not appreciate it. Consequently, I discounted what I had and rocked my own self-confidence.
It’s a paradox, but very real one. The more we are unsure of ourselves, the more we try to hold on to what we have, thinking we can’t lose it or let others benefit from our knowledge. So we withhold always a little for ourselves, and yet blame others and the universe for not giving to us without reservations.
Believe in who you are and what you have. Help others and give your all.
You will feel happier. Trust me on this one.
Give, don’t invest.
Raised in Hong Kong and Australia, Noch Noch was a young, overachieving executive for an international corporation, working and living in the world’s most premier cities. After seven years of living the life she dreamt of, or so she thought, she suffered a serious episode of stress-related depression that turned her life upside down. As she battles with depression, Noch Noch is on a quest to be the wake up call for others in similar plights. She strives to be true to herself, jotting down her reflections on living with depression and self-awareness at “Be Me. Be Natural.” (http://nochnoch.com).
Hello 2012!
How are you going to bring in the new year? Like a lamb or a lion?
Do you struggle with your relationships? Your weight? Your health? Your career?
Maybe it’s simply about finding out who you are and what truly makes you happy.
A lot of times these new year’s resolutions ultimately become lofty ambitions that slip further and further away from your grasp – not from lack of want but from lack of direction and a great support system.
That’s why PickTheBrain along with 24 other AMAZING personal development bloggers and experts have teamed up to give you all the help you’ll need for making 2012 your BEST YEAR YET!
So for the next two days you’ll be able to get 34 of the top personal development guides, courses, videos and e-books at a 90% discount.
All these products usually cost over 1000 dollars but you’ll be able to get this whole package for just 97 dollars.
This Empowerment Pack includes the abridged version of PTB’s own “Power of Fear” Summit – a special version called The Ultimate Blue Print for Courageous Self Growth. You also have many of my own favorites participating like Barrie Davenport (a PTB blogger!), Dirk de Bruin (another PTB blogger!) and Steve Aitchison and products I really want to check out like Katie Tallos “7 Week Life Cleanse” and “True Self” by Jonathan Wells in this bundle.
And as soon as I have sent out this post I am purchasing a copy of my own of this package.
Click here to learn more about this awesome deal and to get your own copy
These products at this price will never be available again.
After Thursday, January 19, at 9:00 am EST (that’s 2:00 pm GMT), this offer will be gone for good.
Be well and good luck!
Erin
You’re at college and working two jobs. You have a date in 15 minutes. You’re a single parent with a long commute and 5 hours of sleep per day. Or maybe you’re just not ready to make a huge time commitment.
Whatever your situation, tools that can turbo-charge your life fast are handy.
The bad news is, long-term change requires time and effort. It’s not what a commitment-phobic, time-starved generation wants to hear but it’s true.
The good news is, self-improvement techniques and exercises can be very time-efficient. In fact, 5 of my favorites will have you kicking ass and taking names in just 5 short minutes.
1. Double Your Chances with Goal-Setting
In a recent study, subjects who wrote down their goals were 42% more likely to achieve them than the ones who didn’t. Keeping a friend updated on specific commitments and progress increased the figure to 78%.
That’s right: a pen, a piece of paper and a few minutes are all you need to near-double your chance of success. Take advantage of this: write down some SMART goals and share progress with a support network. It doesn’t get any simpler – or more powerful – than this.
2. Stay Positive with a Journal Of Awesomeness
Your innermost thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy; believing in yourself is crucial to success. Unfortunately, other people, circumstances and your own mistakes can get you down and perpetuate negative thinking.
Here’s how you can stay positive day in, day out.
Get a notebook and write down 3 awesome things you did in the past 24 hours every evening. “Went for a jog instead of watching TV”; “finally talked to that cute barista”; “made a really good presentation.”
You’ll be amazed at how much better focusing on your positive achievements makes you feel! And once you start reinforcing good choices by writing them down, your subconscious will encourage you to make them more often.
3. Build Rapport Immediately with The Cocoon
Rapport is the feeling of connecting or “being on the same wavelength” with another person. This tool will help you create that level of understanding instantly and without any complicated techniques.
All you need to do is visualize a “cocoon” around yourself and the person you’re talking to. Literally imagine a wall or barrier is blocking the two of you from the outside world.
This works on a variety of levels: it “reduces” background chatter, helps you focus on the conversation and promotes a feeling of comfort. If you want to create a deep feeling of connection or comfort, use the cocoon.
4. Prepare For Success with Mental Practice
Successful athletes have been using visualization to hone their skills for a long time. In recent years, the effectiveness of mental practice has become more widely recognized and accepted. Great news for us!
Just close your eyes and imagine yourself performing a task successfully. If you have a presentation coming up in 30 minutes, visualize getting up on that stage and acing that thing. If you’re a dancer, execute every move perfectly in your mind.
This is more than just rehearsing in your mind; mental practice builds up your confidence with images of positive outcomes. Confidence and excellence come naturally when you’ve already practiced being succesful.
5. Samurai Swords of Confidence
A classic technique for managing stage fright is to imagine the audience naked. It works for two main reasons: it’s a funny distraction and it makes you feel less threatened. After all, what’s a room full of naked people gonna do to you?
This is similar. If you ever feel threatened or need a boost of confidence, visualize a weapon in your hand (I use a katana because, well, they’re awesome, but you can use something else).
To practice, close your grip and imagine you’re holding a rockin’ samurai sword in your hand. Really visualize yourself holding the weapon; give it a weight, a color, focus on how it feels in your hand. Release your grip to make the sword disappear, then repeat the exercise until you can feel the contrast between holding and not holding your “sword of confidence.”
Next time you need to feel confident, close your hand around the hilt of your weapon. Trust me – talking to your boss or taking the subway at night is a lot less scary when you’ve got a samurai sword in your hand!
So there you have it: 5 ways to become awesome in 5 minutes! If you try any of these exercises, please leave a comment and let me know how everything went.
George P.H. helps people figure out relationships, live without limitations and feel awesome over at The Man-Up Blog.
